dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
