There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
