no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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