a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
