Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
