I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
