Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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