i already hear my dad disowning me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
