I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
