I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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