my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
