guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
