he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You took a bar mat shot.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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