either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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