That's when you crack a 10am beer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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