Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
