when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
