My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
