You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
