The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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