no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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