How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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