yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
