Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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