I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hippo gnu deer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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