I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
