he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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