Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
