so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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