Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
