Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
