Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
