Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
