Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
