nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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