i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
