I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
