He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
