i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
