2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
