Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
