I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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