So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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