Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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