I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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