he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
