If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
