I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
