"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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