he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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