Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
