so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
