We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
