I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
