She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
